Cult shares a trio of flicks to check out... or not.
Your choice.
Your choice.
The Burrowers (2008)
Rating: R
Director: JT Petty
Horror/Western
Runtime: 96 minutes
USA, Blue Star Pictures
Rating: R
Director: JT Petty
Horror/Western
Runtime: 96 minutes
USA, Blue Star Pictures
The Dakota Territories, 1879. Life is hard and surviving in the badlands is not at all an easy task. For Irish immigrant Fergus Coffey, Karl Geary, things have just gone from bearable to emotionally torturous. His beloved has been taken. To where he does not know, by whom he doesn’t know either.
and…don’t forget to iron my panties. Bitch!
As his investigations progress, he’s aided by Walnut Callaghan, an ex-slave portrayed by Sean Patrick Thomas and a handful of other brave souls. They soon discover, however, that their worst fears, and initial suspicions, are unfathomably small and drastically wrong in comparison to what really stalks in the dead of night.
I saw a nickel here somewhere. Ok nobody move!
A gritty western atmosphere and a surprisingly well executed and believable story draped in surroundings seething with desolation and saturated with palpable character exhaustion make this movie work. Native myths and eons old legend collide head on with arrogance and a multitude of egos fueled by hatred and ignorance captained by way of Henry Victor, played excellently by Doug Hutchison, a sadistic kind with a closed mind and no time for those compassionate for the red skinned kind.
I love your hairy upper lip Sire. Have I mentioned how it makes me feel before now?
The movie moves at a nice pace providing scares and jump scenes a-plenty. The suspense is extremely well captured with scarce enough lighting to portray a night time environment without overdoing it as to ruin the whole effect. Character interactions aid the film and bring it to a very relatable arena.
OK… who farted?
Clancy Brown (Starship Troopers) stars as John Clay an experienced, take no shit, law and frontiersman ready to do whatever it takes to help Coffey find resolution. Desperation and determination levels build to a point where only the truly brave can identify, and just when the viewer thought it might be all over one man’s drive surges him towards the movies finale. These specific scenes feature a slew of outstanding and wholly unexpected top notch SFX to drag the film from its western genre screaming through the boundaries of another - menacing horror. The final scene transports the viewer back into the real world environment through a landscape rife with unadulterated ignorance in an era when acting the opposite of such would degenerate your worth to naught but those deemed worthy of being spat upon and ground underfoot. Those responsible brought both the horrors of man and beast to bear and delivered each to the viewer’s attention with a KO punch, one expected the other coming from nowhere.
I went into this view with very low expectations though finished the movie very surprised coming away feeling educated, sickened at events (I already knew existed at the time) and exhilarated on account of the professionalism and attention to detail shown throughout.
I went into this view with very low expectations though finished the movie very surprised coming away feeling educated, sickened at events (I already knew existed at the time) and exhilarated on account of the professionalism and attention to detail shown throughout.
I can’ bloody understand ‘Duetsche speak’… can you?
The Burrowers is a damn sight better than the cover art and blurb would have you believe. Excellent acting, characters and dialogue from start to finish make this a winner with an exciting twist. This a feature you might want to keep an eye out for.
Cult's Rating: 4 out of 5 Bloody Eyes Open!
In the Name of the King:
A Dungeon Siege Tale (2006)
Rating: PG-13
Director: Uwe Boll
Fantasy
Runtime: 127 Minutes
Germany, Canada, USA
FUENTFE Boll KINO BETEILIGUNGS GMBH & CO.KG, Bright Light Pictures, Herold Productions
A Dungeon Siege Tale (2006)
Rating: PG-13
Director: Uwe Boll
Fantasy
Runtime: 127 Minutes
Germany, Canada, USA
FUENTFE Boll KINO BETEILIGUNGS GMBH & CO.KG, Bright Light Pictures, Herold Productions
Following the meager success of the Bloodrayne trilogy Uwe Boll decides once again, with this feature, to take another stab at the cinematic fantasy realm. This time however, he has somehow procured a much larger budget, a slew of A-list actors and a world renowned choreographer (famed for his work on Hero and House of Flying Daggers). But how is it turn out you might ask, as a smirk tugs at the corners of your mouth.
A miracle… a Uwe Boll flick that is actually very watchable
I can well imagine it as admittedly Uwe Boll is known for his forays into many cinematic genres and the resulting plethora of deplorable reviews to add to the mountain of others that cling to his aura like a dark cloud.
Doing my damnedest to ignore any influence the bad press might have I took a blind plunge. After all Seed and Postal weren’t that horrid, to be honest I quite enjoyed them. And let’s not forget Jason Statham also stars in this, so it can’t be that horrific, right?
Without further ado…
Doing my damnedest to ignore any influence the bad press might have I took a blind plunge. After all Seed and Postal weren’t that horrid, to be honest I quite enjoyed them. And let’s not forget Jason Statham also stars in this, so it can’t be that horrific, right?
Without further ado…
Oi! Did you just burn my man cave to the ground? You’ll pay for that!
Jason Statham is ‘Farmer’ a man of few words better known for his determination and grit. When he finds himself embroiled in a plot to bring down the kingdom he must bring his fighting skills, ala The Transporter, to bear if he’s to avenge his son and ever cradle his delicious wife, Claire Forlani, again.
Ray Liotta plays an evil bastid, a self-proclaimed ‘King of the Krugs’ with designs on ruling the land without his usual modus operandi and use of peddling drugs, gang warfare or traditional firepower. When his cunning plans of charming his way into the Princesses pants fall through he resorts to the use of dark magic and the utilization of a tribe of easily manipulated, low intelligence, humanoid beasts. Beings that remind me in moments of rubber masked aliens from an episode of the original Star Trek series, I’m unsure of the exact episode because I’m not a Trekkie. Fear not however, as Ron Perlman (Hellboy), Burt Reynolds (Ryan’s dad. Seriously if you don’t know who Burt is you’re dead to me!), John Rhys-Davis (Shannara Chronicles) and Kristanna Loken (Terminator 3, Bloodrayne) are all on hand to help stop this from transpiring.
Ray Liotta plays an evil bastid, a self-proclaimed ‘King of the Krugs’ with designs on ruling the land without his usual modus operandi and use of peddling drugs, gang warfare or traditional firepower. When his cunning plans of charming his way into the Princesses pants fall through he resorts to the use of dark magic and the utilization of a tribe of easily manipulated, low intelligence, humanoid beasts. Beings that remind me in moments of rubber masked aliens from an episode of the original Star Trek series, I’m unsure of the exact episode because I’m not a Trekkie. Fear not however, as Ron Perlman (Hellboy), Burt Reynolds (Ryan’s dad. Seriously if you don’t know who Burt is you’re dead to me!), John Rhys-Davis (Shannara Chronicles) and Kristanna Loken (Terminator 3, Bloodrayne) are all on hand to help stop this from transpiring.
Please excuse me, I’m merely remembering the time I got my noggin peeled back and a portion of my brain eaten by an English actor playing a serial killer. Now where was I? Do we even have a script?
Sadly, though this isn’t quite enough. Regardless of the lavish wardrobes, lush panoramic landscapes and a cast list as lengthy as a documentary chronicling only a few of the nefarious financial activities of the Clintons it all doesn’t quite mesh together as seamlessly as one might expect.
There are surprisingly a handful of scenes which showed promise. Several which were stunning using the fantasy backdrop to great use.
The high wire antics involving Jason Statham aren’t too shabby, nowhere near on the same level as a Tsui Hark feature, try as hard as it might this isn’t a martial arts epic! Although I’m a tad bias in this regard, it has to be said that ‘Farmer’ is quite adept at swinging a blade, if in fact it was him and not a stunt double. Most of the action scenes weren’t quite as wooden/stilted as expected, though with that in mind a great many of the battles (in my opinion anyway) dragged on way past the point of remaining exciting and the movie overall displayed surprisingly very little crimson taking into account Uwe Boll’s cinematic notoriety and adoration of producing relatively low budget features.
There are surprisingly a handful of scenes which showed promise. Several which were stunning using the fantasy backdrop to great use.
The high wire antics involving Jason Statham aren’t too shabby, nowhere near on the same level as a Tsui Hark feature, try as hard as it might this isn’t a martial arts epic! Although I’m a tad bias in this regard, it has to be said that ‘Farmer’ is quite adept at swinging a blade, if in fact it was him and not a stunt double. Most of the action scenes weren’t quite as wooden/stilted as expected, though with that in mind a great many of the battles (in my opinion anyway) dragged on way past the point of remaining exciting and the movie overall displayed surprisingly very little crimson taking into account Uwe Boll’s cinematic notoriety and adoration of producing relatively low budget features.
What I could do with seven, or even, sixteen million dollars
The CGI effects are plenty and rather well done, especially the Magi dueling scenes towards the movies finale, though bearing in mind the unfathomable budget Uwe had to work with this isn’t surprising. Physical makeup is at times a little lacking, I for one would have enjoyed an antagonist tribe that wasn’t so humanoid that had such a startling attitude and resemblance to another well-established fantasy race courtesy of J.R.R Tolkien, the Orcs.
An epic soundtrack and score throughout added well to the movies vibe. My only concern in this instance however, is that at times the movie felt more like a fantasy/role playing RPG. Of interest is an excellent track by Blind Guardian found in the end credits.
An epic soundtrack and score throughout added well to the movies vibe. My only concern in this instance however, is that at times the movie felt more like a fantasy/role playing RPG. Of interest is an excellent track by Blind Guardian found in the end credits.
Incidentally I started to very much hate it around the time it was released, without actually watching the movie, it doesn’t bother me so much nowadays, as my daughter begged it to be played every minute she was in the car going anywhere with me. “Again Daddy!”
Overall this wasn’t as horrid as I had expected. It showed promise but nowhere reaches near the sheer brilliance of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit trilogies.
It was a little longer than I would’ve liked, I feel as if several of the scenes could’ve been clipped and had the same effect. Following a little research, I find that a ‘Director’s cut’ runs an additional thirty-five minutes! I’ll admit I’m a little curious as to what’s added.
Overall this wasn’t as horrid as I had expected. It showed promise but nowhere reaches near the sheer brilliance of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit trilogies.
It was a little longer than I would’ve liked, I feel as if several of the scenes could’ve been clipped and had the same effect. Following a little research, I find that a ‘Director’s cut’ runs an additional thirty-five minutes! I’ll admit I’m a little curious as to what’s added.
Like it. Don’t like it. I couldn’t give a rat’s arse!
In essence if you feel you can enjoy an occasional movie without thinking too hard about the plot, you look past acting that feels a tad cheesy and you want plenty of action without spraying blood and gore you could give this a shot. Odds are if you don’t like it the kiddies might and that counts for something right?
Cult's Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Bloody Eyes Open!
Apparently Uwe Boll has called it quits following several unsuccessful crowdfunding campaigns. Will the amassed horde of critics finally be able to sleep at night without fear of being set to rights by Uwe’s well trained fists?
Read on... HERE
Read on... HERE
Creature Feature (2015)
Not Rated
Director: Chase Smith
Nostalgic Comic Book Horror
Runtime: 85 minutes
USA
Spirit World Productions
Not Rated
Director: Chase Smith
Nostalgic Comic Book Horror
Runtime: 85 minutes
USA
Spirit World Productions
Creature Feature sports five interwoven tales. Much in the same vein as the classic EC (comic book) themed anthology Creepshow each tale showcases a unique and much celebrated iconic figure of the horror genre.
A throwback image to a slew of comics that many believed the first of many steps towards the Devil’s unholy embrace
As a small collective of friends gather, and the drinks flow freely, each tries to outdo the other with their own narration of a wicked predicament be it based on urban legend or conjured up out of thin air it’s hard at times to tell. With the aid of a comic book panel graphic, as witnessed in the aforementioned celebrated feature, each mini feature captures the essence of the controversial comics found in the 1950’s. All of these tales are in some way related other than the fact that they transpire on a foggy Halloween night in Georgia.
The first feature tells of a babysitter and her run in with what may or may not be a very realistic statue. This is a strong segment that overflows with nudity, naughtiness and some of the most wicked carnival themed facial make up I’ve witnessed as of late. My only problem is the ‘pink elephant’ in the room (although it’s hardly a savanna roaming mammal as so much a downright creepy and menacing life size figure) an element to the feature I would immediately take issue with in the same situation.
The first feature tells of a babysitter and her run in with what may or may not be a very realistic statue. This is a strong segment that overflows with nudity, naughtiness and some of the most wicked carnival themed facial make up I’ve witnessed as of late. My only problem is the ‘pink elephant’ in the room (although it’s hardly a savanna roaming mammal as so much a downright creepy and menacing life size figure) an element to the feature I would immediately take issue with in the same situation.
Excuse me, have you seen my red nose? It appears to be missing.
A fantastic preamble of the style of the feature. All of the stereotypical elements of the B genre are present even in the first segment; blood, brawn and boobs. The acting is of a slightly better quality that I’m used to seeing (especially in this genre) which is a nice touch as I’ve admittedly switched many a feature off based on this alone.
The remainder of the film introduces a slew of notorious horror favorites including but not limited to a scarecrow, a zombie and a coven of witches.
While not on the same level as the first segment each boasts a decidedly different scenario. Some are not quite as believable, as well paced and plausible as others, however, there are a few standout sequences. The segment exploring medieval witch ritual shenanigans sports well executed atmosphere and again doesn’t skimp on displaying ample well-proportioned flesh.
The scarecrow segment is a favorite of mine. It boasts a main character I would take pleasure in locking away, and throwing away the key, and gives great meaning to the term karma. Unfortunately, the premise has been tackled before though not to my knowledge in a short form such as this.
The remainder of the film introduces a slew of notorious horror favorites including but not limited to a scarecrow, a zombie and a coven of witches.
While not on the same level as the first segment each boasts a decidedly different scenario. Some are not quite as believable, as well paced and plausible as others, however, there are a few standout sequences. The segment exploring medieval witch ritual shenanigans sports well executed atmosphere and again doesn’t skimp on displaying ample well-proportioned flesh.
The scarecrow segment is a favorite of mine. It boasts a main character I would take pleasure in locking away, and throwing away the key, and gives great meaning to the term karma. Unfortunately, the premise has been tackled before though not to my knowledge in a short form such as this.
NO…. please! I beg of you don’t make me watch Creepshow3 again!
As mentioned before comic panel art is featured throughout this feature. Though initially effective, the effect soon becomes a tad overused and slightly tedious. Bearing that in mind the homage to the gruesome comic book controversy of the time and Creepshow (rather than Twilight Zone which I always considered more sci-fi) is still rather effective and offers up the same amount of cheese and ‘camp’ to please those with fond memories of the era.
In conclusion if you enjoy your horror with a liberal helping of cheese, effects that leave a little to be desired, dark humor, rampaging teenage hormones and you worry not about the size of the budget, this may well be a film you’ll relish.
Those with an open mind may want to take a moment to discover this also. If you decide it isn’t for you then at the very least recommend it to someone else and help support the Indy scene whereupon filmmakers who may never see the likes of a Hollywood budget have an imagination that may well determine the future and direction of the genre.
Creature Feature is currently free for those who enjoy the privileges of Amazon Prime.
Those with an open mind may want to take a moment to discover this also. If you decide it isn’t for you then at the very least recommend it to someone else and help support the Indy scene whereupon filmmakers who may never see the likes of a Hollywood budget have an imagination that may well determine the future and direction of the genre.
Creature Feature is currently free for those who enjoy the privileges of Amazon Prime.
Cult's Rating: 3.5 out of 5 Bloody Eyes Open!
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