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Cult Dives headlong into The Movie & Music Network’s Terror Channel for the first time and finds a strange and twisted chunk of celluloid entitled…
Browsing for a movie worthy of the Cult and TDBS treatment I recently found myself with a screen plastered with horror movie covers and one sheet posters. One immediately jumped out to grab my attention like a pitchfork between the eyes, at least it's title did. And why would it not? Antfarm Dickhole is not a title that you see everyday (*Damn Cult beat me to this one! The title demands a view!). So with reckless, blind abandon I can do nothing more but press on the icon to begin.
Here goes nothing...
Here goes nothing...
Cult's Thoughts...
The credits roll with a lonely ant meandering across a wooded landscape accompanied by a rather strange tune. I have a nagging premonition telling me I should not be eating whilst I enjoy this as bugs and food Do Not Mix! Have you attempted to enjoy a picnic in the woods lately? (*No, but I have some candy in my van little boy HAHAHA)
It should come as no surprise that the film's director, Bill Zebub, has a starring role as ANThony this happens frequently in this genre and why not? It's a way for the director to get in on the action helping to ensure that his/her “vision” stays on track. Plus it has the add perk of keeping the film's budget to a minimum with one less actor to hire.
It should come as no surprise that the film's director, Bill Zebub, has a starring role as ANThony this happens frequently in this genre and why not? It's a way for the director to get in on the action helping to ensure that his/her “vision” stays on track. Plus it has the add perk of keeping the film's budget to a minimum with one less actor to hire.
No! Not up the pant leg! The movie opens with two friends, ANTdrew and ANThony (a running gag throughout this film), seated on a log waxing poetic about how much life sucks and the joys of jerking off, what better way to start any movie. (*Sounds like every conversation The Scribblers have!) At this juncture the camera work does nothing to detract from the fact that this is anything but a high budget outing, nevertheless I am strangely finding myself drawn in by the witty banter and “slacker” vibe (a style made famous by Kevin Smith's film Clerks). Following a very lopsided exchange and a scuffle with a local bully the two friends find themselves face down and unconscious when they wake up each blames the other for their lack of a defensive strategy. As one lays prone the camera pans in on an ant, a large spider sized one, on his leg, and you can't help but notice that he seems to scratch at something as he leaves the park… (they should rename it Stolen!)
I don't think she's gonna make it The very next scene lovingly depicts the film's first WTF moment in full, unabashed, unrated, director’s cut glory (not merely something promised by a glaring sticker or vivid banner on the packaging of a re-released DVD to boost sales only to be an extra five seconds of 'off color' dialogue). I'm only five minutes in and this is obviously fitting of an above “R” rating. A slow motion display of unfathonmable horror is set against screeching violins and is so blatantly over the top that it has all the makings of a great Troma film that I have recently taken a shine to (*Lloyd Kaufman where are you?). The main character's comical musings after the fact lend credence to the fact that this movie cannot possibly be taken seriously. This is a feature with a blatant dark and very twisted comedic edge folks. (*That is if you hadn’t already guessed from the title!)
Awww poor Dubya
Got him! Our ANT-i-hero soon comes to the realization, through staring into the enlarged features of an insect appearing from his... I'm not going give this part away you have to see it to believe it!, that he has an edge over those that constantly torment him perhaps even a way that he might be able to exact his revenge. This revenge, of sorts, is enacted swiftly in numerous locations and delivered in such a way to make you think twice when stepping blindly into a foreign environment rife with miniscule life forms. The deployment of the “enactors” of our ANT-i-hero's revenge is both humorous and creepy, to say the very least. A casual fan of the B genre may be genuinely horrified whilst a hardened, jaded veteran, like myself, only chuckles at the twisted imagination of the film makers responsible.
Alternate title for the more civilized HAHAHA Antfarm Dickhole is frequently interspersed with “interest” segments from scantily clad reporters (*YAY!), ranging from the advantages of sunbathing in the forest (as opposed to on the beach) to theories on terrorists regarding trees as sacred. One attempts to help cure ANT-Drew of his predicament using logic leading to disastrous consequence. Surprisingly there's no lack of nudity in this film (admittedly a staple of the low budget shock genre), in fact, this flick oozes the promise of sex from every pore at times making it seem more like a late night Skin-a-Max soft core special overflowing with short periods of bizarreness and absurdity. If it wasn't for the witty and thought provoking banter I would have probably deemed this one unwatchable but it is this factor that saves it. Visions of priceless ingenuity, many of which would make Ed Wood blush, also elevate this flick above the forgettable lending it an edge of peculiarity that is intriguing at the very least. (*and who will ever be able to forget that title: priceless!)
Virgin Sacrifice???
I hope this is just a bad "trip" man! As with many (okay, most) micro budget movies, the storyline spins wildly out of control, not resembling anything near cognitive sense (especially in the final minutes). The camerawork and lighting are amatueristic at best and much of the acting is downright horrendous. There is even a scene very near the end which displays the exact location of a bar in which the scene was shot (someplace in New Jersey). I can only imagine that the budget was tight enough that the director was more than happy to oblige any advertising for a price. However, if you expected something classy after looking at the cover, reading the title or scanning the brief synopsis then I would suggest a career move into politics or perhaps a good psychiatrist cuz you crazy! I enjoyed this film as it didn't take itself too seriously.
The stuff of nightmares! Antfarm Dickhole delivers everything its title suggests and more, thousands of other titles fall miserably short in this regard. This fact alone makes it well worthy of your little peepers but hardly worthy of any spot on an Oscar recommendation list (*though there should be a category for it damn it!). If you can enjoy a movie for purely entertainment purposes and you can suspend disbelief give this a peek, at the very least it'll make you laugh or gasp and let you forget your worries for a few moments. After all whatever ails you can't be as half bad as what plagues the main character in this feature.
GI Joe finds feral Barbie?
Ant-hony (Zebub) Lastly I must applaud the director, Bill Zebub (who also stars as a main character) and writers of this feature by including a soundtrack that is sadly lacking (though deserved) in today's cinematic landscape, the inclusion of black and death metal, though in places it seems strange and doesn't work, its mere inclusion is still noticed and very much appreciated by The Scribblers. The filmmakers also chose to include information on each of the bands, with tracks featured, rather than just a brief mention in the scrolling credits. This is yet another detail that elevates many Indie filmmakers above multi- million dollar production studios. Bravo!
Having clearly passed The Scribblers Clock Test I can say that Antfarm Dickhole claims its place at gladly being dubbed…
THE SHIT!!
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Just click HERE and watch Antfarm Dickhole!!
or go to the Review Channel and see watch any of the films we've reviewed completely FREE!
Thank you Movie & Music Network!
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