Written, Edited & Directed by Christopher Abram
"I Made My Choice... 666!"
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Welcome Scribbler horror fans! This week Feind paid a visit to TMMN for another slice of Indie Horror. Did The 666 Killer win my heart or carve it out? Take a look and see...
By The Devil's Hands: The 666 Killer (2009)
Written, Edited & Directed by Christopher Abram
Managing expectations when it comes to horror films is something we all need to do as horror fans. That said, when it comes to low budget, micro budget or self financed horror I can forgive a lot. Going in you know the acting isn't going to win any Oscars, the FX in the best circumstances are as good as they can be but if the story itself is compelling the bad acting and low budget FX can be overlooked. I like to believe I do a pretty good job at managing expectations going into a film like this one but all that said the key element is a good story, without that ya got nothing. By The Devil's Hands: The 666 Killer is a leave your brain at the door slasher flick which can be extremely enjoyable. Unfortunately it wasn't. So instead of just trashing on this one for a little while here I thought perhaps I'd have a little fun with it Cinema Sins style. If you don't know what that is look them up on YouTube, oh wait... here's a link for you!
BtDH: The 666 Killer starts off with sin #1, a cliche used so many times it should be banned from horror movies! Our killer is about to claim his final victim when we see a young boy looking in to watch. Is it the killer's son? Is it the victim's son? The honest answer is I don't care. If you haven't seen this plot move used a million times then you're a horror noob so don't worry you will.
Sin #2 - A slasher film is only good if the kills make you scream for more! The 666 Killer even makes the kills boring or perhaps boring you to death is an attempt to kill anyone watching this one. This film could have been given a redeemable quality with buckets of blood and some gory kills. The kills in this one are not only boring they're cut away from for the most part. I'm sure this is due to a non-existent FX budget but Come On Man that is a staple of this kind of film. If you can't show me a good kill make it a psychological thriller where the bloody kills aren't a necessary part. Oh wait that brings me to another sin...
Sin #3 - I'm actually skipping over a sin here but I'll get to that one in just a moment. The third sin is attempting but failing at the psychological thriller/horror worse than the bloody kills slasher aspect. There are about 5 or 6 total characters in this film which makes it about as difficult to figure out who are the sleeper killers and who is drugging the main character as figuring out what to choose as your inflight meal. Limited options makes nothing shocking or surprising.
Sin #4 - I could have put this one higher up but since there are so many scenes of it that I wanted to drive my thumbs into my own eye sockets to end it this is as good a spot as any. Shot after shot of our killer(s) fondling potential deadly weapons the way a 12 year old boy fondles his own genitalia before masturbating for the first time. One shot damn it, one shot of a table or toolbox or whatever with the killers various tools of the trade perhaps a few crusted with dried blood for effect. But NO! These killers stroke and molest their killing tools so much it seems to be it's own psychological problem. Also if you're going to show me a minute long shot of the killer fondling his machete here's a clue... actually use it for the upcoming kill. I know sounds logical right? Well nope!
Sin #5 - Female victim manages to get loose from restraints just as killer is coming back cliche. In fact this one is worse than cliche for a few reasons. 1) Victims hands are covered in blood supposedly from rope burns yet there isn't a single mark on her wrists, not one. I understand low budget but honest this is not the most difficult effect to do cheaply with common kitchen items. It would make the difficulty she has using said hands far more believable. 2) Female removes shirt for really no other reason than to give us a "titty shot" believe me as a guy I appreciate it but without the first step it was really just a gratuitous boob shot for no reason. Aren't our lady friends objectified enough in horror films? 3) Instead of doing what any logically thinking person would do and get the fuck away as quickly and as far as possible, no, our female victim sticks around to try taking the killer out. Gee, I wonder how that works out? Has she never seen a horror movie? I guess not.
Sin #6 - Our main character meets a man at "random" who turns out to be one of the killers! Oh my Satan! I never ever have seen that before. Again this one is a sin for 2 reasons, first horrible acting makes it obvious and two who the hell hasn't seen this one done in a horror movie more times than you can count. I can suspend disbelief but seriously guys ya gotta give me something to work with here. Just barf.
Sin #7 - The Ol' Switcheroo - Unfortunately this plot device is used a few times in this one and instead of being on the edge of my seat screaming, "Don't Do That!" Instead I yawned and only hoped somehow something interesting would happen. It didn't.
Sin #8 - The Ol' Switcheroo Part 2 - Taking the "most unlikely" character and making him one of the killers. Again, Oh my I never saw it coming! *You should be able to feel my eyes roll there* So here it comes the biggest pussy in the film turns out to be one of the killers and oh what an incredibly terrible killer he is at that. I mean this guy is about as inept a killer as my dog but at least my dog has the excuse of being a dog. This may have actually been a worthwhile shocker if there had been more characters in the movie or if he had actually been an interesting killer. But nope, he's a pussy and seriously a total moron. Anything actually interesting is killed by the absolute atrocious acting as well.
Sin #9 - The Surprise Ending That's No Surprise - Oh my what an absolute shocker the horribly inept killer isn't the only killer... wait what? Yup there's two of them and the other is the obvious "romantic interest" Duh! The 2nd killer manages to escape with the 1st so they can both live to kill another day. If I hadn't seen this many times before perhaps it would have been at least interesting, again it wasn't.
Sin #10 - The First Surprise Ending Isn't The Ending Surprise - Wow, I've never seen this one before. Oh wait, I've seen Scream and a million other horror movies. But wait...
Sin #11 - The Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Ending - Someone please just shot me. Seriously pick up that .38 or whatever you keep in a lockbox in the closet where it is no help if there is an actual emergency, hold it directly to my temple and pull the trigger until it just clicks because you're out of bullets. Yes, in a another "shocking" move that is neither shocking or interesting there is still another surprise that if you hadn't already guessed it about 30 seconds into the movie I have to assume you had to drop out of school by 10 to work in a coal mine to support your 10 younger siblings. You are to be commended for that but it's only then that perhaps you didn't see this "Surprise" coming.
Sin #12 - Ok I've gone on long enough on this one but I do want to mention one last sin and to me the most important sin of The 666 Killer - bad writing. As far as film making goes you can tell me to go to hell as I don't know what I'm talking about but when it comes to the writing, sorry, I'm a horror writer this is what I do. The biggest sin aside from all the cliche plot points I pointed out is the dialogue. Wow is the dialogue bad in this which is only compounded by poor acting but in the actors defense they weren't given much to work with. This was most evident in "Doctor office scene" as the doctor's dialogue is really just atrocious and then when the first "surprise" killer shows up his dialogue is beyond wretched then poorly acted to boot for the double whammy. I'm trying to be kind though this film was very kind to me as a viewer.
So after all of that, did The 666 Killer have any redeeming values? Yes, it had exactly two redeeming values. Even though the dialogue is utterly atrocious the main character Jamie (Susana Gibb) isn't that bad of an actress and seems to do the best she can with what she has to work with here. Second, though perhaps the film makers wouldn't deem it a great quality, is that this film is so bad you can easily sit back have a few drinks and make fun of it with some fellow horror lovers. Making a drinking game out of this one is really the only way to redeem it in any way. It's terrible plain & simple. So it was bound to happen eventually I finally found a stinker in the mix at The Movie & Music Network. But hey, they can't all be winners and like I said you could make a drinking game out of this one but be sure you have enough alcohol on hand it's gonna be a long 90 minutes. Unfortunately this one failed The Scribbler Clock Test badly as I started checking to see how much time was left from about 10 minutes into this one. You're better off checking out some of the other films The Scribblers have reviewed for TMMN or invite some friends over and buy plenty of alcohol because By The Devil's Hands: The 666 Killer was...
There's only one other way to redeem this one and that, of course, is with SSSSLLLLLLAAAAYYYYYYEEEEERRRRRR!!!!!!!
"I Made My Choice... 666!"
Ok, so this review maybe didn't win you over but seriously there is not better place for Indie Horror from around the world than The Movie & Music Network. It took us months to find a stinker so it may take you longer. Stop by and subscribe today, you really can't find a better movie deal anywhere. Plus on top of what they already have to offer they will be dropping a massive load of content very soon so get in on the action now! See all the great films The Scribblers have reviewed so far at The Review Channel. Also you can stop by the new 99 Cent Network and own some of these films forever plus share with friends and family. Only 99 cents for 3 films or get 10 for just $1.99! That's one heck of a deal. The Scribblers can't recommend them strongly enough so stop by and subscribe today!
What do you think Scribblers fans? Enjoy this one more than Old Man Feind did? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.
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Feind loves watching movies of all kinds so if we watch it, we tell whether you should as well. I'll share mostly horror but I also enjoy everything from big Blockbusters to micro-budget Independent films.
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