*Feind Note: It wasn't a warning it was a specific request. Cult is now dead to me!
Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante (2014 The Asylum/SyFy Channel)
*Feind Note - I threw up a little just viewing that trailer
*Peppered with Feind's commentary!
I have visions of a warehouse (somewhere in California) filled to the rafters with SyFy movies whose titles mention sharks in one form or another (there's actually another one being advertised as I type this) and I find it comical that this is one of only a few that doesn't mention the word 'versus' in it's title, I'm personally waiting for Giant Shark vs. King Kong or Godzilla for that matter (rolls eyes*).
*Feind's guess: Too many people with no taste or an alien virus has turned many brains to a gelatinous goo
*Feind Note: Feind did not watch the first one either nor will he ever, Cult may be dead to me by the end of this review. I threw up in my mouth a little just at the thought and it isn’t improving. I’ll try to make it through. Anyone have a bucket? Pleeeeaaaassssseeeeeee
*Feind does and not even the brilliance of Mystery Science Theater 3000 could save Sharknado 1 or 2!
Another cameo in the opening few minutes that almost made me “lose my shit” was that of Robert Hayes who is famous for also playing a pilot in the comedic masterpiece Airplane! (Oh the irony!).
*Unlike Sharknado, Airplane! is one of Feind’s favorites and a classic!
*First bone of contention? The title did it for Feind!
This entire scene is chock full of action and unbelievable predatory oversized fish antics all frosted off nicely with splatteriffic CGI effects.
*No amount of gore will get Feind to watch this!
The second half of the movie overflows with carnage (bring a 'brollie' for there will be blood). Sharks swim up, down and through New York pretty much minding their own business happily surrounded by two legged snacks , which are everywhere, free range humans if you will.
*Hang on, Feind rolled his eyes so hard they poppped out of his damn head again!
*At this point in editing this review Feind was overcome with uncontrollable vomiting, who has that bucket?! Damn it, hang on I need a mop!
Excuse me Doctor. Before we start the operation can I choose...the ‘attachment’?
This is a fun film folks (Noooooo – Feind), there I've admitted it. It also has the acclaim of being one of only a few SyFy movies that I've actually sat the whole way through. *Why man? Just fucking why!?! – Feind
Grab a bunch of friends (Preferably ones who won’t kill you – Feind), copious amounts of alcohol (They don’t make that much! – Feind) and call in sick for work the next day, this movie was designed to get hammer-(head)-ed to (see what I did there!). *Feind saw what you did there Cult and be happy, very happy, you are out of striking distance!
*Feind seriously died inside during the editing process and will now be roaming the streets aimlessly. If you see him please do him a favor: 1) Give him a Damn Sammich! and 2) DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE SAY THE WORD SHARKNADO!
*Oh my fucking Satan! Cult has more to say on this? Really!?! - Feind
Or perhaps we feel this way based on the antics of the beast in Jaws?
One thing is for certain though, if the movie was instead called Catnado, Dognado or even Chihuahuanado (I'm thinking that wouldn't be so bad!) audiences would be beyond pissed and PETA would inevitably kill several thousand trees (irony) by printing mountains of protest pamphlets.
Of course this is only a movie, a glaringly obvious work of fiction, can anyone possibly perceive it as otherwise? I have no plans to write a complaint letter to theSyFy channel (at present, although some of their previous effort have prompted me to think upon it!) an example of which would ultimately only display anyone's need for a higher dose of medication. *Cult you willingly watched Sharknado you are obviously off your meds! - Feind
This is a movie, nothing more, a mere ninety minutes of escapism, take time out to appreciate it for what it is, a glorious example of over the top cinema.
Again, sorry Feind.
*Don’t be sorry Cult but I would suggest grabbing your toaster, walking into your bathroom, filling the tub with nice warm water ( hell go ahead and put some bubblebath in there, treat yourself!), then plug that toaster in, get in the water and gently set the toaster between your legs. You had a good run Cult, you will be missed… Not by me but I mean you do have a mum or something, right? HAHAHAHA
My REVIEW: Sharks in a tornado, stupid things happen to stupid people, no nudity, random stupidity, Feind barfs, the end. The only thing about Sharknado that is THE SHIT is when the end credits roll. Feind would rather be covered in paper cuts from head to toe and dive in a vat of salt than watch this. There! Now Feind implores you good people:
DO NOT WATCH SYFY CHANNEL GARBAGE!! Go Watch Jaws! That is all.