Director: JT Petty
Runtime: 96 minutes
USA, Blue Star Pictures
I went into this view with very low expectations though finished the movie very surprised coming away feeling educated, sickened at events (I already knew existed at the time) and exhilarated on account of the professionalism and attention to detail shown throughout.
A Dungeon Siege Tale (2006)
Director: Uwe Boll
Runtime: 127 Minutes
Germany, Canada, USA
FUENTFE Boll KINO BETEILIGUNGS GMBH & CO.KG, Bright Light Pictures, Herold Productions
Doing my damnedest to ignore any influence the bad press might have I took a blind plunge. After all Seed and Postal weren’t that horrid, to be honest I quite enjoyed them. And let’s not forget Jason Statham also stars in this, so it can’t be that horrific, right?
Without further ado…
Ray Liotta plays an evil bastid, a self-proclaimed ‘King of the Krugs’ with designs on ruling the land without his usual modus operandi and use of peddling drugs, gang warfare or traditional firepower. When his cunning plans of charming his way into the Princesses pants fall through he resorts to the use of dark magic and the utilization of a tribe of easily manipulated, low intelligence, humanoid beasts. Beings that remind me in moments of rubber masked aliens from an episode of the original Star Trek series, I’m unsure of the exact episode because I’m not a Trekkie. Fear not however, as Ron Perlman (Hellboy), Burt Reynolds (Ryan’s dad. Seriously if you don’t know who Burt is you’re dead to me!), John Rhys-Davis (Shannara Chronicles) and Kristanna Loken (Terminator 3, Bloodrayne) are all on hand to help stop this from transpiring.
There are surprisingly a handful of scenes which showed promise. Several which were stunning using the fantasy backdrop to great use.
The high wire antics involving Jason Statham aren’t too shabby, nowhere near on the same level as a Tsui Hark feature, try as hard as it might this isn’t a martial arts epic! Although I’m a tad bias in this regard, it has to be said that ‘Farmer’ is quite adept at swinging a blade, if in fact it was him and not a stunt double. Most of the action scenes weren’t quite as wooden/stilted as expected, though with that in mind a great many of the battles (in my opinion anyway) dragged on way past the point of remaining exciting and the movie overall displayed surprisingly very little crimson taking into account Uwe Boll’s cinematic notoriety and adoration of producing relatively low budget features.
An epic soundtrack and score throughout added well to the movies vibe. My only concern in this instance however, is that at times the movie felt more like a fantasy/role playing RPG. Of interest is an excellent track by Blind Guardian found in the end credits.
Overall this wasn’t as horrid as I had expected. It showed promise but nowhere reaches near the sheer brilliance of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit trilogies.
It was a little longer than I would’ve liked, I feel as if several of the scenes could’ve been clipped and had the same effect. Following a little research, I find that a ‘Director’s cut’ runs an additional thirty-five minutes! I’ll admit I’m a little curious as to what’s added.
Read on... HERE
Director: Chase Smith
Nostalgic Comic Book Horror
Runtime: 85 minutes
Spirit World Productions
The first feature tells of a babysitter and her run in with what may or may not be a very realistic statue. This is a strong segment that overflows with nudity, naughtiness and some of the most wicked carnival themed facial make up I’ve witnessed as of late. My only problem is the ‘pink elephant’ in the room (although it’s hardly a savanna roaming mammal as so much a downright creepy and menacing life size figure) an element to the feature I would immediately take issue with in the same situation.
The remainder of the film introduces a slew of notorious horror favorites including but not limited to a scarecrow, a zombie and a coven of witches.
While not on the same level as the first segment each boasts a decidedly different scenario. Some are not quite as believable, as well paced and plausible as others, however, there are a few standout sequences. The segment exploring medieval witch ritual shenanigans sports well executed atmosphere and again doesn’t skimp on displaying ample well-proportioned flesh.
The scarecrow segment is a favorite of mine. It boasts a main character I would take pleasure in locking away, and throwing away the key, and gives great meaning to the term karma. Unfortunately, the premise has been tackled before though not to my knowledge in a short form such as this.
Those with an open mind may want to take a moment to discover this also. If you decide it isn’t for you then at the very least recommend it to someone else and help support the Indy scene whereupon filmmakers who may never see the likes of a Hollywood budget have an imagination that may well determine the future and direction of the genre.
Creature Feature is currently free for those who enjoy the privileges of Amazon Prime.