Watch Stitches yourself!
Welcome Scribbler Horror fans! The Scribblers often have, at least, somewhat similar taste when it comes to horror and music for that matter which is why we teamed up for this website in the first place so when I saw a flick on Cult’s Halloween Marathon list that I hadn’t seen I had to check it out. Would grumpy Old Man Feind like it giving The Scribblers yet another thing in common or is Cult just crazy? This one seemed right up my alley in the sick humor department so it was time to see if this one would leave me in…
When a horror-com begins with a half naked woman screaming, “Fuck me clown! Fuck me clown!”, odds are you stumbled on something worth watching the whole way through. Few things are ever more true. Just look to Rob Zombie’s The Devil’s Rejects as another prime example of an early Captain Spaulding clown sex scene setting a wonderful tone that carries the rest of the way through the flick. Why people find clowns frightening is something I’ve never understood which leads to most horror movies involving clowns completely sucking, at least to this Scribbler. But there are exceptions so will Stitches be one of them or will Feind have to make his way to Tucson to strangle his partner leaving his body for the buzzards to pick apart in the sweltering Arizona sun? 90 minutes-ish to decide a Scribbler’s fate…
So Richard “Stitches” Grindle (Ross Noble) isn't exactly the best clown in the world. Due to his clown sexcapades he arrives at little Tommy’s 10th birthday party late and nearly runs the kids over coming up the driveway. Being drunk may help in dealing with a house full of 10 year olds (as most parents can attest) but it doesn’t exactly make for the best clown show. Ten year olds are right on that border of being too old for a clown to provide entertainment and again Stitches ain’t the best clown in the world. Some of these kids need a serious ass whoopin but Stitches plods on with his horrible balloon animals and drunken uncoordinated juggling as the kids get more and more bored and as rude as ten year olds can be. Bored leads to pranks, pranks lead to Stitches face planting on the dishwasher where Tommy’s mother had done a big no no, putting a knife in the utensil holder blade up. Come on everyone knows you don’t do that, some mom! Tommy is actually enthralled with Stitches leading to the traumatic experience of getting a bloodshower when Stitches pulls the blade out. Don’t be upset Stitches is filled with sick slapstick and macabre humor without really ever overdoing it which is actually a nice surprise as flicks like this can suffer a bit from the ol’ “taking the gag too far”.
After Stitches funeral Tommy observes an ancient clown burial ritual with a troop of clowns marching through the cemetery with a chant of, “Hehehe Hahaha”, all the way to special clown mausoleum at the back of the cemetery, of course. Curiosity gets the better of the ten year old and he goes to investigate. He gets busted and creepily told that a clown can’t rest if he dies before he finishes his act. Also a joke is never as funny the second time ‘round which we all know is true. Now it’s time to fade and skip ahead a few years to Tommy (real name Tommy Knight) as a teenager.
Tommy’s mother is about as worthless as ever but whaddya know it’s Tommy’s birthday once again. Duh! I wonder what might happen? Hmmm? Gee let’s see the title of the movie is Stitches and he died in the first scene, I wonder if he’ll come back to make “Everybody Happy”? You already know that answer. At the party Tommy was reluctant to throw with his mother out of town the chaos begins to reign as first the bully that torments Tommy on a daily basis shows up in a clown outfit just to torment Tommy more. Oh, did I mention Tommy is on anti-anxiety meds of some sort cause y’know getting coated in blood from your birthday clown messes ya up a little bit. Anyway, after the fake Stitches shows up the real one rises from the grave to get a little clown revenge. Let the clown chaos reign.
I won’t spoil all the wonderful kills but I think Cult and I are in agreement on our favorite. All I’ll say is wait for the umbrella to be seen! All of the kills are done in excellent sickly morbid clown humor style which is what really makes Stitches so much fun to watch. The air pump kill is certainly another fun one though it’s as over the top and ridiculous as you’ll see reminding me of Scanners from back in the 80s. If you’ve never seen that one it’s a must see for all the head ‘splosions alone.
So in the end Stitches did make me smile and laugh often and the kills are just tons of fun. There’s also many of them which sometimes a good slasher flick is lacking, more kills please! Anyway, I should have known I’d agree with my Scribblin’ partner as our sick senses of humor often coincide. The Scribbler Clock Test was passed with flying… well, blood! You should check out Stitches too because it is definitely…
Once again we're in luck.
Watch Stitches yourself!
Have you seen this lovely bit of morbid clown humor Scribbler fans? Agree with The Scribblers or are we both crazy? We are but let us know what you think in the comments below.
Scribbler Movie Reviews
Feind loves watching movies of all kinds so if we watch it, we tell whether you should as well. I'll share mostly horror but I also enjoy everything from big Blockbusters to micro-budget Independent films.
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